Initially I interpreted the concept as, “Don’t come home from work and spew all over the family” which ironically was exactly what I did. I worked long hard hours before I came home and I expected to be taken care of.  All my energy and zeal was used for people outside the home. I got my identity and sense of importance from work so work got my best. Home and family got what was left.

As I read the concept now I see it has even more layers to it. The idea of using your home as an emotional litter box implies leading a split life. If I am one way outside the home and another way at home then I am fragmented. I am not whole. If I am being the real me I am me everywhere and that me has no need to spew on others.  The need to spew insinuates blame and judgment and is a red flag that I have chosen to jump into my patterns.

Another facet of this concept – more obvious now that I live alone – is not to make myself an emotional litter box. This means to be true to me. Be open, real, kind; don’t get tied up in the outside forsaking what’s inside me. The words are so simple yet so powerful and every time I read them they say something more!

by Eugina Shelton, Writer
]]> http://55concepts.wordpress.com/2011/01/05/have-you-made-your-home-your-litterbox/feed/ 0 55concepts CHAT PERSAN http://55concepts.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/blame-game/ http://55concepts.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/blame-game/#comments Thu, 07 Oct 2010 11:50:29 +0000 55concepts http://55concepts.wordpress.com/?p=297 ]]> Some blame quotes:

“Blame is paralyzing. If you blame me I must defend myself, so neither of us get to the actual issue.”

“Blaming stops one from growing up. If I choose to believe everything is someone else’s fault I fail to learn how to handle myself and situations successfully.”

and a newsletter article: http://tiny.cc/55news_10-10

What would change in the world if we eliminated blame?

During a recent audit we had a new surveyor to complete this task. As he worked through his assessment form he asked me what tests I do. When I replied stating all the tests I obtain, not run in the clinic, he requested to see my Quality Assurance Plan for each of these tests. Since 98% of the tests I do go out to the laboratory, a plan is not necessary for them, only the ones I perform in the clinic.

He continued to press me for these plans, reminding me that since I do these tests I need a plan. Otherwise, he told me I would be out of compliance and we would lose our accreditation and subsequently I would not have my job. We went round and round on this for about an hour and by that time I was so angry I wanted to blow a gasket. I know when I get this upset there is a definite problem and all of a sudden it dawned on me that the problem was in the word do. We were not communicating because my definition of the word do, as a nurse, is to obtain the specimens and his definition of the word do, as a lab technician, is to perform the tests.

Imagine a little two letter word like do causing so much stress. I explained my awareness to him and at once I began using the word obtain where I was saying do before. Likewise, he began using the word perform where he was saying do.  When I began to “speak so others can understand” we completed the audit in ten more minutes, received our certification and my gasket was spared.

By Gail Kerschner

Where would communicating more clearly help you?

This concept goes on to say, “just because we believe we don’t have something and chase it, doesn’t mean that we don’t have it.”

I woke up this morning realizing some of the things I have been chasing:

• I chase beautiful people because I believe I am not beautiful.

• I chase the laughter of small children because I believe I lack the wonderment of a child.

• I chase people who can sing because I believe I cannot sing.

• I chase people who speak eloquently because I believe I do not express myself adequately.

• I chase people who can write fluently because I believe I lack the creativity of putting words together.

As I am writing this, my heart is gently laughing at what occurred today. When I looked in the mirror this morning, I didn’t like my sagging neck muscles, the wrinkles on my face, or my drooping eyelids.  I took my hands, pull my skin back toward the back of my head and thought about what I would look like if I chose to have my face lifted.  I liked seeing my face looking 30ish again.  Then I wonder even if having a face lift would cause me to feel beautiful.  I remember at thirty I didn’t feel beautiful.

I was meeting a friend to go canoeing on the river which I have never done before.  It was a gorgeous day with the sun shining, a soft breeze and not too hot.  As we were canoeing up the river, I was in wonderment at what I was seeing.  We pointed out to each other the herons, the swans, a white egret, and the jumping fish.  We commented on the architecture of some of the homes along the bank.

We beached the canoe and ate at an outside café.  I watched people of all ages and sizes talking and laughing and realized how much I was enjoying myself.   As I left the restaurant, I saw a woman my age who had a face lift but there wasn’t the joy in her eyes that I was feeling in my heart at that moment.  With the realization that I was enjoying myself in spite of sagging skin, drooping eyelids and wrinkles, my heart started to sing a song that brought pleasure to me.

The concept also states that this chase is a coping mechanism to fulfill unrealized needs or desires.  This way of being can never permanently change your life. Whatever is acquire is temporary. I had been exhausted lately trying to be 30 again, witty among my friends, and envying other people’s talents.

Today I felt the energy of calmness and acceptance. Now I know that I still have the wonderment of a child, my heart sings songs that bring me pleasure, I feel beautiful when I am sharing life with friends or appreciating what the earth has to offer, and writing about this experience came easily.

by Mary Herald

What are you chasing?

The tag in the store hadn’t specified long or wide. I made the assumption it was wide, they made the assumption I was curtain-wise and would know it was long. When I mentioned it to the sales clerk and suggested they put “long” on the sign next to the measurement she brushed off my comment, with a look similar to the one I am sure is on my face when I read the directions on a hair curler that says, “Don’t use this in the shower.”  Like, “Who wouldn’t know that???”

We assume people have the same experiences we have. We assume they speak the same language we do. Those assumptions make for a lot of confusion in the world. No, not everybody knows the “right” way to write a report, the “right” wine with fish, the “right” way to respond to a criticism or even the “right” way to load the dishwasher. Actually, there is no “right” way, there’s just the way you think it should be done or the way people in your world do things. Then when people are different we judge them as “wrong.”

First step in speaking so others understand is to listen to them. Learn how they speak and how they interpret words. To say its a “balmy” day tells an American its pleasantly warm, but a Brit hears that it’s an insane day. Same word different interpretation. Be clear in how you speak, and it never hurts to ask if you’re understood.

We all want somebody else to do something and we’ll sit back, point the finger and tell them what to do. Let’s look at what we can do as individuals. What about personal responsibility???

Anybody carrying bags to the grocery store so they don’t use oil based plastic? Writing manufacturers and saying label the products that use alternatives to oil and I’ll buy them? Carpooling or at least consciously running all errands together rather than making separate trips? Imagine if we created a national work at home day. How many cars could we take off the road?

Let’s face it, we vote with our dollars. We tell the big boys what we will tolerate by what we spend not what we mouth off about. Government’s not going to solve anything. Governments never have. Its people who make a difference. Let’s own the part of this that belongs to us. The oil that is killing wildlife and polluting our oceans was our oil. Oil we wanted for our cars, to transport our stuff, to wash our hair, diaper our babies, heat our homes. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

Ideas, comments, suggestions about what WE can do welcomed -

You attract what it is you really believe. What you are getting right now somewhere is what you believe. In order to change your beliefs you must first know what they are. Here are some of the beliefs students shared with us that kept them stuck getting what they didn’t want.One of the questions we asked them is what message did you get growing up about the things you want? Most of our beliefs are formed by the age of 7 so messages we got when we were young are important.

Feel free to add yours, make comments or ask questions!

I can’t have what I want
I’m not good enough
Success is not for me
People in my family aren’t happy/successful/fulfilled
I don’t deserve to have what I want
You have to be dishonest to prosper
I don’t have the education/experience/credentials to succeed
Prosperity takes hard work
Mom/Dad said _____________  about money/love/success

To see more on this subject visit this month’s newsletter!

We’ve all heard someone say “it’s hard”.

When you say or hear someone say it’s hard or life’s hard it would be good to know what they are really saying. Let’s also include in this genre, it’s difficult, challenging, an obstacle etc.

We’re not going to beat around the bush or mix words. We’re going to get straight to the point. It is very simple and one sentence, it means:
I do not want to learn/expand or be conscious!

When you or someone uses the phrase it’s hard, the truth is you are making it hard. Most of what we say is hard isn’t; it is all perception. What is common though, is that when you encounter something you are not experienced in, feel confident in or know about it is commonly perceived of as hard.

What this boils down to is, change. People have a tendency to dislike change. In truth change is expansion and expansion makes life easier. Becoming conscious is expansion. Becoming conscious and experienced makes you wise. When you find yourself experiencing life is hard in any way remember this:
You are at a moment of choice!

Will you choose to become conscious?
Will you choose to become experienced?
Will you choose wisdom instead of fear?

The fear of change.

Embrace change and you will automatically embrace life, effortlessly.

The other day I was angry with someone. Rather than feel my anger I started to think of all the reasons I shouldn’t be angry: “She couldn’t help it.” “I should be bigger than that.” and on and on. Then I began looking at where I do what she did, after all “Anything that bothers you is your issue.”  I felt like I was working really hard at this. Finally I remembered the concept, “You must feel to heal – connect the head and the heart.” That was when I began to just let myself feel the anger.

Growing up we’re often told, “It’s not nice to feel that way.” “Good children don’t feel like that.” “You don’t really feel that way.” Even when done with good intentions, these messages tell us that our feelings are wrong, that we shouldn’t be feeling them. Add to that much that we hear today about attracting what you think about, we push our feelings down deeper and deeper and gloss them over with what we ‘should’ be feeling.

But to not feel our feelings is to dishonor and disown a part of ourselves. To not feel our feelings is to bury them and let them fester in the dark parts of ourselves until they explode in a burst of anger or eat us alive like a cancer.

Feeling our feelings doesn’t mean to wallow in them or that we have to act on them. Feeling our feelings simply means we experience them. Once we feel them we can resolve what brought them up rather than ignore the issue.

Once I felt my anger I could see what caused it and work on that. It no longer felt hard. What was hard was keeping the feeling pushed down. If I remember what made it hard I’ll remember to feel my feelings sooner next time.

Both sides blame. Neither takes responsibility for their part. Nothing gets done.

You know what would happen if each just cleaned up their own part of the mess… where do you do this?

Where are you pointing the finger at someone else?
Where do you defend your own part in the problem?
Where do you choose to blame and defend rather than take responsibility and clean up your part?

“Be the change you want to see.” ~ Gandhi

The world won’t change if you don’t.